January 2013
6 posts
18 times < 3 times
I’m not sure what it says about me that I took the time to research this, but I do know that the data only continues to confirm what intelligent people have been saying for years.
According to my research (which is admittedly lacking when it comes to the proper steps of the scientific method), in the past two years Jay Leno has had 1 of 4 members of the cast of Jersey Shore on his show 18...
In regard to my last post.
Some sort of male father machismo phallic force inside me caused me to automatically capitalize the word “penis.”
Just noticed.
Freud would have a field day with that one.
“I’m really glad we don’t have to deal with a Penis yet. I...”
– Hope Glenn, wife.
Pledges? We don't need no stinking pledges!
After tomorrow I will have officially completed my Americorps service with Red Butte Garden. As such, I’ve been going through some paperwork. You know, checking it twice, naughty and nice, all that jazz. During this process I came across item 5 in my contract. It reads as follows:
The AmeriCorps member is expected to have read the pledge. The AmeriCorps pledge is: I will get things done for...
December 2012
1 post
be a dear and call the paramedics...: letters to a... →
I haven’t mentioned here that I’ll have a daughter in February. Then again, I haven’t really mentioned anything on here lately. Either way, this is easily the best thing the internet can provide on this day, 12/20/2012.
beadearandcalltheparamedics:
tim: i know we planned on getting together over beers to talk fatherhood, but with me having a 16-month old and your wife being...
September 2012
1 post
1 tag
August 2012
2 posts
The myth of the West continues
“The best place to find twenty dollar bills just lying on the ground is California.”
- 3rd grader in my summer camp
What I learned today (from a kindergartener)
There are many different types of gnomes.
Fire Gnomes
Ice Gnomes
Water Gnomes
Whole Earth Gnomes
Space Gnomes
and Life Gnomes.
Life Gnomes created life, with the help of God of course.
(Space Gnomes created God, in case you were wondering).
There’s a gnome for pretty much everything these days.
July 2012
7 posts
Re: Smells Like Teen Spirit
As a young impressionable kid who really liked skateboarding, I always identified with Kurt Cobain when I listened to this iconic song.
I thought he was saying “I’m a skater” instead of “a mosquito.”
I was a total sham.
“Towns are like people. Old ones often have character, the new ones are...”
– Wallace Stegner, Angle of Repose
Clearly their lack of racial diversity was still...
“COLOR IS LIFE! UTAH IS THE LAND OF COLOR! Every known color, tint and shade is seen in rich abundance within this area. When the traveler crosses the state’s border, he enters a new world of vidid and startling coloring.”
- Utah tourism slogan circa 1948.
Where's my wooden teeth?
“Obamacare is one of history’s most egregious examples of federal overreach… Our Founding Fathers would be horrified by the bill’s assault on individual freedom and liberty.”
- Rob Bishop
This stuff drives me crazy. Rob Bishop doesn’t know a damn thing about what people in the eighteenth century would have thought about health insurance. Why? Because health insurance...
2 tags
From the makers of Munchausen Syndrome and...
Tired of those endless nights creating physical evidence of false diseases? Wish you had a way to just feel sick without actually feeling sick? Loved ones tired of you falsifying their medical records?
Well scratch those hives no more! Introducing Munchausen Syndrome by Internet. Make up all of your exciting neuroses, ailments, aches and pains all from the comfort of your own couch!
Melanoma...
June 2012
1 post
May 2012
7 posts
“I have been convinced for a long time that what is miscalled the middle of the...”
– Wallace Stegner
Timshel
Cold is the water It freezes your already cold mind Already cold, cold mind And death is at your doorstep And it will steal your innocence But it will not steal your substance
I have been in the midst of an ongoing discussion with someone I consider a teacher, a friend, and generally a positive influence on my day-to-day. While the topics of our conversations have ranged from homosexuality,...
3 tags
plant parts
Tim: Who remembers what this plant is called?
3rd grader: ARROW LEAF BALL SACK!
3rd grade theology
Teacher: what came first, the chicken or the egg?
3rd grader #1: Adam and Eve!
3rd grader #2: yeah, heavenly father, like, made Adam, and then he ate some berries or something, and he got killed or something. I don't really know.
April 2012
2 posts
1 tag
March 2012
8 posts
working with kids.
As I walked past the group of fifth graders playing basketball in the playground, I realized that they had a skill level beyond anything I would have ever expected of kids who are still worried about cooties and spiderman. They passed the ball well, set screens, made their layups, and even seemed to take their awkward co-ed situation in stride (let’s just say she was...
2 tags
What, so now I only post pictures of garden gnomes...
Yeah, probably.
4 tags
February 2012
8 posts
“Frankly, one of our political parties is insane.”
– Bruce Bartlett, last night on The Daily Show
A note on shared gender public restrooms
I understand your need for me to put the seat down, and I respect that. However, in return for that act of kindness, I expect you not to leave gobs of hair and other unknown substances on the seat. I have to touch that with my hand.
“I think Bigfoot is blurry, that’s the problem. There’s a large...”
– Mitch Hedburg
I realize that I'm definitely calling the kettle...
…but how many of you just want to take a red ink pen to all of the grammar on the internet? I mean, I certainly rush things sometimes, and I make my fair share of mistakes, but lately all I see are terrible writing skills manifested through binary code, and it’s driving me mad!
2 tags
January 2012
8 posts
4 tags
Annual "I am not a film reviewer" film review
Seeing as Nate Crippes is no longer living in this fine state, and he can no longer provide these services to the blogosphere, I will continue to take it upon myself to brag about going to Sundance until he returns to this region of the world.
Safety Not Guaranteed
Aubrey Plaza, a magazine intern who answers a classified ad (now famous on the internet), falls in love with a man who can only be...
Historian husbands can be frustrating, I'm sure
Hope: ps: reading "the jungle" kinda makes me want to go veg.
Tim: yeah, but that was a hundred years ago. that's like saying "reading Henry Ford's autobiography make me want to ride a bike"
Hope: your mom makes me want to ride a bike
WatchMr. Bonetangles
I'll give you a tawpic
What new fashion trend is more ridiculous?
The flat brimmed/stickered hat that sits on top of every young man under the age of 19?
-or-
Women who have decided that the world is now “pants optional” and only wear a thin layer of stretchy material to cover their nether regions?
I’m all for self expression and everything, but what if I started walking around in jeans that still...
North to the Future
(some country bumpkin with a...
“Socialism never took root in America because the poor see themselves not as an...”
– John Steinbeck, author 