Hey, you got glasses?

18 times < 3 times

Mon, 07 Jan 2013 22:58:00 -0700

I’m not sure what it says about me that I took the time to research this, but I do know that the data only continues to confirm what intelligent people have been saying for years.

According to my research (which is admittedly lacking when it comes to the proper steps of the scientific method), in the past two years Jay Leno has had 1 of 4 members of the cast of Jersey Shore on his show 18 different times.

In the same timeframe Letterman has booked one cast member only 3 times.

edit: as expected my data was not entirely correct. 3 times. Not one.

In regard to my last post.

Sat, 05 Jan 2013 10:13:10 -0700

Some sort of male father machismo phallic force inside me caused me to automatically capitalize the word “penis.”

Just noticed.

Freud would have a field day with that one.

"I’m really glad we don’t have to deal with a Penis yet. I don’t think I’m..."

Sat, 05 Jan 2013 10:11:08 -0700

“I’m really glad we don’t have to deal with a Penis yet. I don’t think I’m ready… I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately.”

- Hope Glenn, wife.

thestrutny: (via Graphic: Vinyl sales break another record in...

Fri, 04 Jan 2013 19:01:04 -0700

thestrutny:

(via Graphic: Vinyl sales break another record in 2012)

Seems like the music industry is finally realizing that CDs aren’t worth it anymore.

Since my contract is up, I’ve begun working on ideas for...

Thu, 03 Jan 2013 11:46:00 -0700

Since my contract is up, I’ve begun working on ideas for my own business. Trying to be a self-made man. So the next time you just can’t seem to come up with a new theme for your party coming up next week, please consider Tim’s Themes, Party Themes, and More!*

Pledges? We don't need no stinking pledges!

Wed, 02 Jan 2013 14:03:39 -0700

After tomorrow I will have officially completed my Americorps service with Red Butte Garden. As such, I’ve been going through some paperwork. You know, checking it twice, naughty and nice, all that jazz. During this process I came across item 5 in my contract. It reads as follows:

The AmeriCorps member is expected to have read the pledge. The AmeriCorps pledge is: I will get things done for America - to make our people safer, smarter and healthier. I will bring Americans together to strengthen our communities. Faced with apathy, I will take action. Faced with conflict, I will seek common ground.
Faced with adversity, I will persevere. I will carry this commitment with me this year and beyond. I am an AmeriCorps member and I will get things done.

Yeah, I’ve basically been a member of Starfleet Command for the last year.

I’m going to stop getting things done for America now. Faced with apathy, I will no longer take action.

be a dear and call the paramedics...: letters to a new dad, part one.

Thu, 20 Dec 2012 10:44:28 -0700

be a dear and call the paramedics...: letters to a new dad, part one.:

I haven’t mentioned here that I’ll have a daughter in February. Then again, I haven’t really mentioned anything on here lately. Either way, this is easily the best thing the internet can provide on this day, 12/20/2012.

beadearandcalltheparamedics:

tim:

i know we planned on getting together over beers to talk fatherhood, but with me having a 16-month old and your wife being great with child, well, i figured i’d better jot down a few things just in case it never happens. here are a few things i’ve learned so far; these are the basic,…

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Fan Death

Fri, 07 Sep 2012 13:31:33 -0600

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Fan Death

The myth of the West continues

Mon, 13 Aug 2012 14:52:22 -0600

“The best place to find twenty dollar bills just lying on the ground is California.”

- 3rd grader in my summer camp

What I learned today (from a kindergartener)

Fri, 03 Aug 2012 17:24:18 -0600

There are many different types of gnomes.

Fire Gnomes

Ice Gnomes

Water Gnomes

Whole Earth Gnomes

Space Gnomes

and Life Gnomes.

Life Gnomes created life, with the help of God of course.

(Space Gnomes created God, in case you were wondering).

There’s a gnome for pretty much everything these days.

Re: Smells Like Teen Spirit

Sat, 21 Jul 2012 12:37:14 -0600

As a young impressionable kid who really liked skateboarding, I always identified with Kurt Cobain when I listened to this iconic song.

I thought he was saying “I’m a skater” instead of “a mosquito.”

I was a total sham.

"Towns are like people. Old ones often have character, the new ones are interchangeable. Nevada City..."

Fri, 20 Jul 2012 18:06:05 -0600

“Towns are like people. Old ones often have character, the new ones are interchangeable. Nevada City is in process of changing from old to new.”

- Wallace Stegner, Angle of Repose

Clearly their lack of racial diversity was still lost on postwar Utah

Fri, 13 Jul 2012 10:50:29 -0600

“COLOR IS LIFE! UTAH IS THE LAND OF COLOR! Every known color, tint and shade is seen in rich abundance within this area. When the traveler crosses the state’s border, he enters a new world of vidid and startling coloring.”

- Utah tourism slogan circa 1948.

Free goat rides.

Fri, 13 Jul 2012 09:53:12 -0600

Free goat rides.

Where's my wooden teeth?

Thu, 12 Jul 2012 09:54:56 -0600

“Obamacare is one of history’s most egregious examples of federal overreach… Our Founding Fathers would be horrified by the bill’s assault on individual freedom and liberty.”

- Rob Bishop

This stuff drives me crazy. Rob Bishop doesn’t know a damn thing about what people in the eighteenth century would have thought about health insurance. Why? Because health insurance didn’t exist!

I could just as easily say that “our founding fathers would have been horrified at the site of space travel, or bikinis, or Lebron James’ cross-over.” It’s like saying I shouldn’t use a computer because George Washington didn’t own one. It’s like saying police officers shouldn’t be allowed to give speeding tickets because cars didn’t exist during the presidency of Thomas Jefferson. It’s like saying “James Madison didn’t eat oysters so I’m not eating oysters!”

If you oppose Obamacare, that’s fine. Tell me why you oppose it. Don’t tell me what you think John Adams would have thought about it. That’s ridiculous. That’s terrible logic. That’s a clown answer, bro.

And another thing. Have you ever read anything about “the founding fathers?” Do you recall that most of their conversations were centered around debate? How in the world can people even begin to claim that they all agreed on anything? I don’t even think it’s safe to say that the founding fathers would have all liked Turkey Sandwiches, let alone claim that they would have agreed on a piece of legislation.

Mountain out of a mole-hill? Maybe. It just gets under my skin.

Hey, so wanna know what exists? Beefalo!

Mon, 09 Jul 2012 11:31:55 -0600

Hey, so wanna know what exists?

Beefalo!

From the makers of Munchausen Syndrome and Munchausen Syndrome by proxy...

Tue, 03 Jul 2012 16:38:36 -0600

Tired of those endless nights creating physical evidence of false diseases? Wish you had a way to just feel sick without actually feeling sick? Loved ones tired of you falsifying their medical records?

Well scratch those hives no more! Introducing Munchausen Syndrome by Internet. Make up all of your exciting neuroses, ailments, aches and pains all from the comfort of your own couch!

Melanoma symptoms? Just type them in!

Diabetes? Post a pic on your profile!

Love the feeling of an upset stomach but hate the taste of Pepto Bismol? There’s a message board for that!

With the power of the double-u double-u double-u, no disease is too difficult to have.

Coming soon! Munchausen Syndrome by Mobile app for iphone and android operating systems (patent pending).

Helplessly behind the times.

Wed, 06 Jun 2012 13:50:03 -0600

Helplessly behind the times.

My friends, the real life Bob and Linda Belcher.

Mon, 21 May 2012 18:31:28 -0600

My friends, the real life Bob and Linda Belcher.

We’re going to state! barackobama: Clear eyes, full...

Mon, 21 May 2012 16:27:00 -0600

We’re going to state!

barackobama:

Clear eyes, full hearts.